The H1V3M1Nd!!!!1

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1👿

 

It has come to my omniscient notice that my lolpasta, “Spangleblab 1nts U Ded, Bee-Yatch!”, has been deleted LESS THAN ONE MILLISECOND BEFORE I POSTED IT! My story was a flawless and timeless masterpiece, filled with deep metaphors about how Spongebob is actually a deranged serial killer who wants to flay us all from within our overwhelming psyche! Perfect comedy! But as I posted my magnum opus to the lolpasta wiki, A SCREEN WITH A STUPID PIXELATED DINOSAUR ON IT TOLD ME THAT I NO LONGER HAD INTERNET! And when my internet came back up, the story was not posted! 

 

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO, LOLPASTA WIKI! You expected me to believe that my internet just happened to crash as I was about to post my story, didn’t you? Well, little did you know that I KNOW THE DEEP CONNECTIONS YOU HAVE TO ALL OF HUMANITY'S GOVERNMENT AND THEIR RESOURCES! You rule the entire world from within a deeply complex and sophisticated secret conspiracy, and you use a FANDOM wiki focusing on satirical parodies of creepypastas as a mere cover for your evil ways! You cut off all the internet in the world at that moment on purpose just so the story would not be posted!

 

This is bull freaking horse shit, shit that comes from both a bull and a horse AT THE SAME TIME! “Spangleblab 1nts U Ded, Bee-Yatch” has exactly 7.8 billion fans all across the globe, but nOoOoOOOooOOoO, THEIR opinions don’t count, the opinions of THE NEW WORLD ORDER CONTROLLING THE EARTH BEHIND THE SCENES does! Listen, I am not the only one who wants the adventures of Spangleblab back up on the site! JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF WANTS IT UP THERE! 

•  “He lends at interest and takes a profit. Will such a man live? He will not! Because he has done all these detestable things, he is to be put to death; his blood will be on his own head.” -Ezekiel 18:13.

I want this quote to mean that my lolpasta is a timeless work of literature that must be forever worshipped and revered by every living creature that draws breath, so god damn it, THAT IS WHAT IT MEANS! So, now that I know for a FACT that every single one of you reptoids at the Lolpasta wiki secretly worships Zalgo, we can down to the nitty-gritty of why the murderous rampage of Spangleblab should stay on this wiki and every wiki until the end of time, and even after that!

 

You haters just don’t know what makes a good Lolpasta! I can write better stories than Antonio Vivaldi, that is a FACT! I have received pieces of “criticism” from my peers in the Lolpasta community in the past, but ALL OF THOSE PEERS ARE TASTELESS, INSIDIOUS REPTOIDS AS WELL, so their opinions are FALSE! They say stuff like, “Putting in a billion EVIL PATRIXXX references doesn’t make your trollpasta funny”, “You know, typing in all caps with no punctuation is not a joke, it’s just annoying to read”, “Dude, putting in all this horrible content purely for shock value is neither funny nor scary”, and “*absurd gagging noise that sounds roughly like what would happen if a literal vulture smoked 27 packs of cigarettes a day and died of cholera*”. What’s next, are these people going to tell me that Adam Sandler isn’t a comedic genius? Are they going to claim that Disaster Movie isn’t a masterpiece? The audacity!

 

But don’t weep, those that are reading that are fans of my writing genius! The tyranny of this wiki shall not last long, I repeat, SHALL NOT LAST LONG! You see, I have at least 2 friends in the almighty Supreme Council! They will see to it that every single one of you tasteless aberrations are punished by their full power! Oh, and believe me, the Supreme Council has A LOT OF FUCKING POWER! They have the authority to THROW ALL WHO STAND AGAINST THEM IN A HELLSCAPE OF ETERNAL AGONY, where said offenders will NEVER experience ANY positive emotion ever again! And while you are suffering in Olive Garden, you will know with 100% certainty that your sentence will be never-ending, for that is the mighty power of the Supreme Council! You will curl up in despair before its might!

 

Oh, and any of you reading this, even the fans, think the removal of Spangleblab’s epic will save you from his horrifying murder spree, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN! And if you insist that my story wasn’t real, YOUR DEATH WILL BE EVEN WORSE! Spangleblab is coming even faster than ever before, and when he pulls out his katana signed by Ash Ketchum, his hyper-realistic eyes oozing with even more hyper-realistic blood, the last thing you will ever hear is “Fall under the state of being asleep”. Do you hear me? He will tell you to FALL UNDER THE STATE OF BEING ASLEEP! Sweet dreams, children! Heh heh heh, ha ha ha, MUA HA HA HA A HA HE HE HO HOO HA HA AH HA MUA HA HA HA HE HOO *pants loudly out of being tired for 3 seconds* HA HA HA AHA HA MUA HE HE HOA HO MUA HE HA HO HOO MU HA, hack hack hack COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH *coughs loudly for a solid minute before falling unconscious from choking on his own saliva*.