The H1V3M1Nd!!!!1

Once upon a time Little Jimmy lay on his couch listening to Linkin Park while wearing goth make-up and playing as Reaper from Overwatch and K’ from King of Fighters at the same time. Little Jimmy was a bit of an edgelord! But his favorite thing to do was start a blog/website obsessed with JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer. He was also a huge loser! Despite all of this, he eventually got bored of playing two games at once (absolutely sucking at both of them) and went to Gamestop for what some douche on the internet said was the edgiest game of them all… Angry Birds! Did I mention Little Jimmy was also stupid as fuck? 

 

Anyways, he could not find Angry Birds for the Wii at Gamestop. Enraged by this, Little Jimmy trashed the place in an emo-fueled rampage, so much to the point that Crawling by Linkin Park started to spontaneously play in the background! Eventually, he found a game called DARK GAME >:(®, which sounded edgy enough, so he stole it. Did I mention that Little Jimmy was a serial shoplifter? Anyways, Little Jimmy was expecting the game to be edgy, but he didn’t think he’d find a totally real game that fictional stories on the internet are written about. But he did. 

 

As it turned out, DARK GAME >:(® was one of those aforementioned games, and he had to watch in agony as every single fictional character from every form of media ever were killed in ways I am too lazy to describe. This would scar him for life. Did I also mention that Little Jimmy was a coward? However, in order to defeat the horrific influence of CLICHE’.EXE.666.AVI.ETC, he decided the best and most reasonable course of action would be to make him as a MUGEN character and fight him in game with Sie Kensou. Did I also mention that he lacks any sense of reason? But after he beat CLICHE’.EXE.666.AVI.ETC, the haunted game that is DARK GAME >:(® took his toll on his sanity, and when he wrote the arbitrary creepypasta about his expierence, the result was…well…  let’s just say… FUCKING TERRIBLE.

 

It wasn’t even worthy of his parent’s refrigerator, who got tired of him freeloading and kicked him out of the house. Did I also mention that Little Jimmy was 29 and still lived with his parents? Well, he did, until he got kicked out. This caused his already emo/edgelord mind to completely snap, and from that day forward, he declared incredibly loudly to the sky that he would follow in the footsteps of his hero, JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer Emily Jackson Stewart, and start his own legacy as… NigelNigel Anti-Balrog Guy the Killer! Of course, the neighnors yelled at him for being to loud, telling him to “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” nearly in perfect unison.

 

Thankfully, Little Jimmy already looked like a huge edgelord, so all he had to do to make his transformation into NigelNigel Anti-Balrog the Killer complete was to put hot sauce in his eyes to represent hyper-realistic blood. Alas, the hot sauce in his eyes hurt like hell because he forgot to wear his edgy demonic red contacts that day. Even worse, his eyes had an allergic reaction to the red 4 in the hot sauce, so he had to get them surgically removed! But he was able to make is transformation complete after that by cutting two circles out of black construction paper, and taping them over his eye sockets.

 

But now in order to actually make the “the Killer” part of his new name come true, he had to train hard. So started his epic training montage! With “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor spontaneously playing in the background, he read the Deletion Log Refugees non-stop, lifted super heavy 2 pound weights, threw pairs of sunglasses at targets repeatedly in an attempt to do K’’s Chain Drive move, and performed a bunch of allegedy badass gun katas from various movies he has seen with his nerf guns. And the result of these 22.50000001 days of training? He learned how to flawlessly do Dan Hibiki’s Gadoken move! He also learned how to use magenta magic to curse the terribly story he wrote, which he ended up doing for the lols.

 

Dissapointing results aside, for a while, NigelNigel Anti-Balrog Guy the Killer was somewhat of a force to be reckoned. His Gadoken was able to insta-kill people, and he destroyed 7 people during his spree. Unforunately for NigelNigel Anti-Balrog Guy the Killer, however, JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer arrived at his doorstep with a DMCA takedown notice! But since going to court in the judicial system is boring as hell, JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer simply killed NigelNigel Anti-Balrog Guy the Killer by showing him an episode of Dora the Explorer. Despite this, it is still believed that NigelNigel lurks in the shadows as a poltergeist, striking at copyright enforcers in the shadows, one day waiting to have revenge against the person he once idolized.

 

We all know that’s never gonna happen though, because LITTLE JIMMY IS A LOSER!!!!1 XD